That's intense
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
