I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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