my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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