8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
