You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
