Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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