So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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