he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am one with the molecules
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
