Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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