i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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