I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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