I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
