Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
