Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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