It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
