You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Shame is for Republicans.
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