My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
