Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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