Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
