I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
