I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So squirting runs in the family.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
