winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
