I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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