So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Randomize
