My brain says no but my pants say off.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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