I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
