Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
