if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
