You're my little dorito
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
