I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
