i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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