he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My ass is underappreciated
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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