It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
