You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
