We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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