party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was like eating out sand paper
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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