dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
