Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
