somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A bitchslap is in order.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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