I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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