I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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