There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
