he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
