i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
