They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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