You just made me feel so damn special
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
