I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
