I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
