He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
