You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
