i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
